What does YOUR Chinese zodiac sign say about your personality?

how to know my future husband through astrology :: Article Creator

An Astrologer Designed My Dream Vacation Based On My Birth Chart

When I told an aunt I was dating a fellow Scorpio, she predicted a breakup. "Two Scorpios cannot work." Ironically, that Scorpio is now my husband, and our marriage is a happy one despite our stars' misalignment. My knowledge of the zodiac has always been limited to Seventeen horoscope columns and, until last month, I wasn't even sure of my rising sign. As a person with permanent wanderlust, though, I'm drawn to content that connects the dots between astrology and travel. (New Orleans, for example, is my favorite city; an astrologer once told Bustle it's a Scorpio's paradise.)

I was therefore psyched about Cheap Caribbean's new astrology initiative, where travelers can create a complimentary birth chart and use that information to guide their vacation plans. The travel agency offered me the opportunity to chat with its new chief astrologer, Valerie Mesa, who crafted a personalized itinerary based on my reading.

Valerie came prepared to our Zoom with my detailed birth chart, i.E., a screenshot of the sky the moment I was born. She told me that I am a Scorpio sun, Scorpio moon, and Pisces rising (lots of water elements); five of my 11 planets are in Scorpio, and my ruling planet is Neptune, which controls creativity and spirituality. By the end of our meeting, I considered re-subscribing to the magazines of my youth purely for their monthly horoscopes — because Valerie had nailed down my interests with perfect accuracy, particularly when it came to my travel style.

"Scorpio's a water sign, Pisces is a water sign. The element that dominates you is water. You see how there's 10 pilots in water?" Valerie says, highlighting the elements on my chart before emphasizing my single pilot in air. The lack of air in my chart, she notes, is why I feel easily trapped when I'm in one spot for too long. (I typically avoid all-inclusive resorts for exactly that reason.) But don't be fooled: the abundance of water in my chart doesn't indicate a love for the open seas.

"You have so much water in your chart. But as much as you are attracted to the ocean, you're also very respectful of its mystery and its depths." I appreciate the beach… but am also very, very scared of deep water and am not a snorkeling gal, which I tell Valerie can be problematic when planning a Caribbean trip. "Don't worry," she says with a laugh. "We won't have you swimming to the deep end."

She also guessed that I'm drawn to spooky stuff. "You're passionate about cultures that have spirituality and mystery attached to it. Because Scorpios are so in tune with death and rebirth, there's a little bit of a fascination with it. You're probably into the murder mystery documentaries, right?" Right. I'm also the annoying friend that gets mad at bar-goers for not dressing up on Halloween.

Her most important observation: I gravitate towards authentic experiences rooted in cultural immersion. "Scorpio is ruled by the root chakra, and the root chakra is very tribal. It's the rumblings of the earth. Surrounding yourself with culture and music, [those environments] are where you'll replenish," Valerie explains. "Your Pisces rising also helps you in the sense that you are very open to possibilities, different religions, different cultures, wanting to see what's out there."

As a result, she suggested I visit Montego Bay, Jamaica, for its serene beauty and rich local lore. To mitigate the trapped feeling I get at all-inclusives, I was booked at the Breathless Resort, a five-star property with a party vibe that errs on the smaller side. Its main draw? Spacious suites with oversized balconies and a connection to the neighboring Secrets Resort, ensuring there was enough room for me to roam so that I didn't feel closed in.

Rafting on the Martha Brae

AnaMaria Glavan

My first activity was an hour-long bamboo raft ride across Martha Brae, a river that weaves through a lush forest canopy. We stopped for rum punch and jerk chicken along the way, listening to the sounds of lapping water and scouting for termite nests in the trees above. I was nervous the river would be crowded with tourists but was surprised to find only a handful of travelers present, with guides intentionally scattering rafts to make me feel as if I had the entire river to myself.

This activity allowed me to appreciate the water without having to actually get in it. My schedule was void of water activities otherwise: no jet skis or diving into deep water here. Thank you, Valerie.

My itinerary had a free day with a cabana reservation by the pool. The vibe was a bit rowdy (and I was nursing a killer hangover — cc: rum punch), so I migrated to a cabana by the beach instead and spent the day roasting in the Caribbean sun. I would have never done this on my own accord — my Pisces rising, Valerie notes, is why I create jam-packed Google Doc itineraries when I travel — but it turned out that giving myself time to relax felt fantastic.

A cabana in Montego Bay, Jamaica

AnaMaria Glavan

My final day was the highlight of my trip. The sun was setting when I arrived at Rose Hall, a former plantation turned historic museum that checked off the "spooky" box on my birth chart. As my group walked up an ominous pathway lit up by tiki torches, a drummer beat a conga as a tour guide explained that this was once the residence of Annie Palmer, who murdered three husbands and several lovers and was dubbed "The White Witch" by Jamaicans for her cruelty. (If you've been to New Orleans or watched American Horror Story: Coven, the tale has similar parallels to that of Delphine LaLaurie.)

I'm afraid my lips are sealed beyond that. Our guide asked that we keep tour details a secret for future guests, but I'll tell you this: we visited a tombstone by candlelight and not even R.L. Stine could have prepared me for that level of creepy.

Rose Hall in Montego Bay, Jamaica

AnaMaria Glavan

My best friend, my travel companion and a staunch Gemini, had regrets over not packing holy water. "I will admit, this is perfect for you." After 25 years of friendship, even she was blown away by the accuracy of this itinerary. And I'm inclined to agree.

I'm not sure if this itinerary's success can be credited solely to my birth chart, but Valerie reminded me of an important lesson: always travel with intention. Thanks to my permanent wanderlust (and Pisces rising, I now know), I typically have a go-go-go attitude when it comes to travel. This custom vacation encouraged me to be more thoughtful around my schedule, and to align my travel plans with activities that actually fulfill me. I'll no longer be crossing things off a bucket list just because Pinterest told me to.

How Do You Know What Your Spirit Animal Is? - Your Zodiac Sign Reveals All

We all have a spirit or totem animal who guides us and keeps us safe throughout our lives. Once we've identified who accompanies us along our way, we can call on them for help and guidance to make the most of their powers. If you are currently wondering who lies within you and how they can help you along your path, you're definitely in the right place! Astrologer, Susan Taylor, reveals who your spirit animal is and how its accompaniment can benefit your life. All you need to know in order to figure out yours is your zodiac sign.

Contents:

Use your zodiac sign to discover who protects and guides you

The complete list of spirit animals and their symbolism

What is a spirit animal?

How can I identify mine?

Do you choose your spirit animal?

Who is my spirit animal according to my zodiac sign?

Discover now which creature protects your sign thanks to our chart below;

Zodiac sign: Date of birth: Spirit animal: Aries 21 March - 20 April Falcon Taurus 21 April - 20 May Beaver Gemini 21 May - 21 June Deer Caner 22 June - 22 July Woodpecker Leo 23 July - 23 August Salmon Virgo 24 August - 22 September Bear Libra 23 September - 22 October Crow Scorpio 23 October - 22 November Snake Sagittarius 23 November - 21 December Owl Capricorn 22 December - 20 January Goose Aquarius 21 January - 19 February Otter Pisces 20 February - 20 March Wolf

As soon as you manage to establish a relationship with your spirit animals, they will guide you to the deeper and more powerful connection. Indeed, you will each follow your unique and enriching path accompanied by these magnificent beings, and they will bless you with their traits.

The complete list of spirit animals and their symbolism:

Falcon: Falcons are often seen as symbols of spiritual growth and enlightenment, and those with the falcon as their spirit animal may be on a journey of self-discovery and spiritual development. They may be called to explore their own inner selves and connect with their deeper purpose in life.

Beaver: The beaver is often considered a symbol of determination, industry, and creativity. It is also seen as a symbol of family and community, as beavers live in large groups and work together to build and maintain their dams and lodges. Other traits that are associated with the beaver spirit animal include resourcefulness, adaptability, and cooperation. As a spirit animal, the beaver may also represent the ability to create and build something of lasting value and significance.

Deer: The deer is often considered a symbol of grace, gentleness, and innocence. It is also seen as a symbol of intuition and sensitivity, as deer are often depicted as being in tune with the natural world and their surroundings. Other traits that are associated with the deer spirit animal include agility, speed, and a strong sense of curiosity and exploration.

Woodpecker: The woodpecker is often considered a symbol of persistence, determination, and adaptability. Woodpeckers are known for their hardworking and tireless nature, as they spend much of their time pecking at wood in search of food. This hardworking nature of woodpeckers symbolize determination and focus.

Salmon: In certain spiritual traditions, the Salmon is also associated with the ability to tap into the knowledge of the collective unconscious, a reminder to pay attention to your own inner voice and trust in your instincts, and to be open to the flow of life and allow it to take you to where you need to be. The Salmon is also a symbol of spiritual rebirth and renewal.

Bear: The bear is often considered a symbol of strength, courage, and power. Bear is known for its great physical strength and its ability to protect its family and territory. This symbolizes the ability to defend oneself and loved ones.

Crow: The crow is often considered a symbol of intelligence, insight, adaptability and the ability to overcome challenges. Crows are known for their problem-solving abilities, as well as their ability to thrive in a variety of environments. This symbolizes the ability to think outside the box and to be resourceful.

Snake: The snake is often considered a symbol of transformation, rebirth, and healing. Snakes are known for shedding their skin, which is seen as a symbol of the ability to shed the old and embrace the new. The snake is also associated with the cycle of life and death, and the importance of facing and overcoming fear.

Owl: The owl is often considered a symbol of wisdom, knowledge, and the ability to see beyond appearances. Owls are known for their large, expressive eyes, which are said to symbolize the ability to see and understand the true nature of things. They are also known for their silent flight, which is associated with the ability to move through the world with stealth and grace.

Goose: The goose is often considered a symbol of community, teamwork, and loyalty. Geese are known for their strong social bonds and their ability to work together in large groups, often traveling and migrating together. This is seen as a symbol of the importance of community and the ability to work together towards a common goal.

Otter: The otter is often considered a symbol of playfulness, joy, and the ability to find balance in life. Otters are known for their playful and curious nature, often seen playing and exploring their environment. This is seen as a symbol of the importance of finding balance and incorporating joy and playfulness into one's life.

Wolf: The wolf is often considered a symbol of strength, loyalty, and the ability to work in a pack. Wolves are known for their strong social bonds and their ability to work together in large groups, often traveling and hunting together. This is seen as a symbol of the importance of community and the ability to work together towards a common goal.

🌟 Discover your destiny with the help of a Psychic! Our readings are completely risk-free and accurate! 🌟

What is a spirit/totem animal? Here's the definition

Animals carry meaningful messages and lessons to those who know how to listen and want to decode them. One function of your spiritual animal is to guide you and to draw your attention to what needs to be recognized or addressed, as well as showing you skills you can use or develop further. Everyone has a special creature that protects us and guides us through the different stages of our lives.

They are very present in the Amerindian culture and are known as venerated and mythical animal. In this culture, nature, animals and humans are linked together and each of us has a protective spirit animal that advises and accompanies us. It was considered as the protective spirit of the tribe. It is a kind of mascot, a protective spirit of a community or an individual.

a person standing next to a forest: Amerindian culture

Your spirit animal offers you its characteristics, its strengths, but also its weaknesses. When this enigmatic figure appears in your life, it is because it has a message to give you, a bit like guardian angels. Yet, it's up to you to listen to what it has to say...

- Discover the symbolic meaning of birds and the symbolism of the orange cat -

Here's what spirit animals can help you with:

An aspect of yourself that is already strongly developed or needs to be explored further.

A situation or environment in your daily life that has a strong emotional impact.

A life direction you might be considering or thinking about

How to know your spirit animal, without using your sun sign 1. Analyze your dreams; which animal comes back frequently?

When we dream, we are more receptive to energy and the world of totems. Thus, our mind is more willing to see them appear. Our emotions may be represented by animals that act as guides to the world of totems, or that seem to be symbols of uncontrollable or unrecognized feelings by the dreamer.

2. Whilst meditating; which creature appears to you?

As when we dream, it is very regularly when we step out of our usual state of mind that our spirit animal appears. A meditation session, for example, is a good way to see it appear.

3. Let them come to you: Keep an open mind

You can form a bond with several animals at different times in your life. Among the different ways to discover it, keep in mind that it is them who choose you and not the other way around.

You can limit yourself to the symbolic aspect of these guiding animals, or you can deepen the bond over time by looking out for its characteristics and observing it if it manifests itself in a physical form.

Do you choose your spirit animal?

Within the Native American culture, animals had a very important role. They were not only beings with which they cohabited, but also guides and protectors for humans. In a way, they were considered superior beings. They were what we call totem animals, of power or spirituality. It is therefore said that you can't choose your spirit animal, because it chooses you.

By studying these creatures, the Amerindians realized two things: that people who were born on certain dates had characteristics that were similar to animals and that every 13 moons a seasonal cycle began. Based on these two premises, they created a lunar calendar using the shell of a turtle that had 13 circles. They called it "the medicine wheel", and in it, they represented and united the elements, the points of the compass, the seasons, and an identifying color. Then each circle was linked to an animal, and thus the Native American horoscope was born.

Susan Taylor's insights: Amplify your personal development

You will have understood, the totem animals are there for your good and for your personal development. By understanding their meaning, you will be able to be more attentive to the messages that the Universe sends you. However, keep in mind that your totem animal can change during your life. It is normal, you evolve and so do your needs.

If you have questions about your future, if you need answers, don't hesitate to make an appointment with one of our psychics. They will enlighten you about your future with great attention.

- The future is mine -

More content that you're bound to enjoy:

Help! My Coworker Is Demanding To Have Sex With My Husband.

Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by tomazl/iStock/Getty Images Plus.

Dear Prudence is Slate's advice column. Submit questions here.

Dear Prudence,

I have this coworker, "Vanessa," who's always had a weirdly competitive attitude towards me. I have no idea why, unless she resents that I'm at least as skilled and valued an employee as she is, despite not being skinny or "hot." Our company's summer picnic was our first in-person family party since pre-COVID, and Vanessa met my husband for the first time. Since then, she has not shut up about how cute he is and the things she'd like to do to him. I suspect this is partly if not solely to screw with me, since my husband does not seem like Vanessa's usual type. I would go to HR, except our HR manager is a close friend of Vanessa's, so I'm afraid that might impact me worse than her.

Vanessa and her long-term boyfriend are in an open relationship, a fact she is extremely candid about. She wants me to tell my husband that she'd like to have a threesome with him and one of her hot, younger girlfriends. She swears this would just be a one-time thing and completely consensual and aboveboard. If I won't tell him, she wants me to give her his cell number so she can get in touch with him herself. She keeps repeating that if I won't at least let her put the offer to him, it means I don't trust him and my marriage is a sham.

Prudie, my husband and I have been married 13 years, we have three kids under 10, we love each other to death, we're monogamous and have always been faithful … but I can't be 1000 percent sure he'd say no to a one-time threesome with two gorgeous women if I left it completely up to him. Is there any merit at all to Vanessa's assertions that this means we're better off divorced? What should I do?

— Trouble Trusting This

Dear Trouble Trusting,

If Vanessa in fact resents you for doing your job while not being skinny and wants to mess with you as a result, well 1) that's disgusting, and 2) she's unfortunately succeeded. The fact that you're even considering this absolutely unhinged bully's view of your marriage is evidence that this situation is way out of control, and you need a reset.

First step: Put a stop to this. Here's your script. "Vanessa, I've been entertaining your comments for too long. I want you to know that what you've said about having sex with husband makes me uncomfortable and is totally inappropriate for work. Please limit your conversations with me to professional matters and don't mention my relationship or my personal life again." If you truly don't trust HR, I'll take your word for it. But document your exchange with her just in case you do need to get someone else involved in the future. Because this feels a lot like it's getting into sexual harassment territory, and if it doesn't stop, you may need to take more aggressive action.

Next step: Get a hold of yourself. You have allowed her to walk all over you and make you question your marriage, despite knowing, on some level, that her motivation is to harm you. You need to speak to someone who has your best interest in mind—whether it's a close friend, your husband, or a therapist—to reassure yourself that a random, disturbed work frenemy doesn't have any standing to determine the fate of your marriage.

Dear Prudence,

I am attending a wedding with a formal dress code. I don't know the bride very well, none of us do. The groom is a longtime friend of my husband and our circle of friends. We are happy to attend, but the dress code makes me nervous. I have never attended a formal event before and I bought a dress for the occasion. Now, I'm scared to be overdressed. I don't feel close enough to the bride to ask her advice and besides, it is too late now.

I have to admit the dress is gorgeous. Navy blue with a champagne jupon. Age appropriate (I'm 45), discreet accessories, sober shoes. Thing is: Is this what she meant by formal or did I go a bit too far? To me, it feels like I'm dressed for the red carpet or a ball at Versailles. On the other hand, my husband is one of the groomsmen, and I know how much he had to pay for his suit. I felt a pressure to match the price range. I may have taken that as a guide for my own shopping. Was I wrong? Is it better to be underdressed or overdressed at such an event?

— Overdressed in Montreal

Dear Overdressed,

Google "formal wedding guest dresses" and see if yours looks reasonably similar to the images that pop up. I'm sure it will. Also, even if it's a little too formal: Not a big deal. (Too white? Potentially a problem. Too revealing? Maybe something guests will whisper about. But the worst thing people are going to think about you being "too formal" for a formal wedding is "Wow she looks really nice … I wonder when they're going to cut the cake." Yes, as I've mentioned before, I'm convinced most wedding guests spend significant energy anticipating the cake.) While I don't think matching the price range is necessarily the right way to think about this, it is better to be overdressed than to be underdressed. It shows you care.

That said, it sounds like you're super anxious about how you'll look. If you go through the Googling exercise and you still don't feel comfortable, don't wear the gorgeous gown. Not because you shouldn't, but because you'll be all preoccupied, taking stock of everyone else's clothes and trying to figure out if anyone is wearing a jupon (full disclosure: I had to look up "jupon") as ornate as yours, or if you're the only one who looks like you're going to a ball at Versailles when you're supposed to be listening to your husband's groomsman speech and small-talking about how beautiful the bride looks. This will ruin the evening for you.

But can I weigh in on a larger issue, too? Men are allowed to communicate about weddings. Your husband is close friends with the groom. You know the "Hey, is this the look you were thinking of when you set the formal dress code?" text you might have sent if you were close to the bride? He could have fired that off to his friend, who is one of the two people in charge of the vision for this event. And you could have had a quick, clear answer. In fact, you still could!

Submit your questions anonymously here. (Questions may be edited for publication.) Join the live chat every Monday at noon (and submit your comments) here.

Dear Prudence,

The time has come for us to submit photos to our senior yearbook. Our friend group has pretty bad luck with taking photos, and we have very few good ones. I was scrolling through and I found the needle in the haystack photo: all of us are included, it's fairly recent, and we all look pretty good. I sent it to the group chat, and everyone loves it and wants to use it except for "Gemma."

Gemma is not letting us use it because of a relatively minor concern with how she looks in it (think being a bit bloated after a meal). I understand that we all have our insecurities and am against using the photo if she is this uncomfortable, but I really don't know what other options I have. I truly wouldn't even suggest the photo if I thought it was unflattering to anyone, and everyone in our group is saying over and over again how great she looks in it. All the ones she suggests don't include everyone, and I don't want to exclude someone else from the photo because Gemma is being a bit difficult.

We've tried reasoning with her (she looks great, the photo will be super tiny on the page, we can dim it) but she is firmly against it. I don't want to put a picture in without her as that would feel a bit shady (we are really close), and I don't have enough space for two. The deadline is nearing, and I don't know if I should bother talking to her or if I'm really in the wrong here. What should I do?

— Not Smiling for the Cameras

Dear Not Smiling,

Gemma is going to look back at this picture years from now and realize she looked fantastic and have a major moment of regret around not appreciating it at the time. She's going to wish it was both in the yearbook and on a large billboard. But there's nothing you can do to get her to see that now. Find a different picture—or better yet, make a collage that combines photos that everyone in the group loves. And put this one in a frame in your bedroom.

Meanwhile, remember that while end-of-high-school traditions can feel hugely consequential, you have already made the memories that are going to stay with you forever. And whether your friendships survive and thrive into adulthood will depend on the energy you put into staying connected when you all go your separate ways. In other words, worry less about how you're all pictured together and more about how you really are together. That could start with honoring Gemma's wishes now, even if you think she's being unreasonable. You have my permission to tell her "I told you so" at your 20-year reunion, when I'm sure she'll happily allow you to submit the shot to the slideshow.

Dear Prudence,

A close childhood friend of mine, "Anna," has been struggling with infertility. We both married our spouses in early 2019, and they began trying for a baby on their honeymoon. My husband and I held off due to the pandemic and started trying after we'd received our COVID-19 jabs. We were fortunate to get pregnant right away. Unfortunately, Anna has had the opposite experience and has since tried multiple rounds of IVF. I have tried to keep my pregnancy updates, details about our baby boy, and talk about becoming a mum as infrequent as possible. I purposely don't bring up my son as often as I would with other friends in order to be sensitive to her feelings. She claims she's happy for me, but it's hard for her to hear about my pregnancy and newborn, which I understand.

Before I had my son, she was forthcoming about her infertility struggles, and I provided a shoulder to lean on and ear to listen whenever she wanted to talk. I checked in on how she was doing regularly, and have continued to do so, but ever since my son was born she has shut me out. She met him once when he was a few weeks old but shortly after had another unsuccessful round of IVF. I have tried to contact her many times about a funny program or good book I've read (any topics far from mum life/pregnancy) and have seemingly been ghosted. If she responds she's quite short. My heart hurts for her and I really, really miss my friend. There's nothing I want more than for her to have the pregnancy and motherhood experience she so desires. But I'm at a loss as to how to proceed.

We have had a chat where I told her I wanted to be sensitive to her circumstances and have tried to initiate conversations without bringing up my son or how much my life has changed. It's been difficult, as I was diagnosed with postnatal depression, which I felt I was unable to confide in her as I would never want to cause her any additional hurt or pain. I have since opened up to her about my diagnosis and mental health, but it was a difficult conversation. Throughout my pregnancy I felt overwhelming guilt and anxiety at having gotten pregnant so quickly and even more so now that my son is nearly four months old. Aside from a birth announcement, I have avoided sharing photos and updates of my son on social media, as she has mentioned in the past that pregnancy and baby posts are difficult for her. I'm currently on leave through the end of the year and am therefore unable to facilitate the typical back and forth regarding work, though I've made it a point to ask how her recent promotion has been going.

It's been nearly a month since we last spoke, and our phone conversation was awkward and stilted at best. She has not responded to my messages since. What can I do to mend our relationship? I'm hesitant to have another "I'm here for you" chat as she has expressed she does not want sympathy and prefers I not ask how she's faring. Yet my attempts at otherwise innocuous conversation have been met with a brick wall. We have been close since primary school, I consider her to be the sister I never had, and I really don't want this to end our decades-old friendship.

— New Mum Missing Her Best Friend

Dear New Mum,

When I started reading your question I was like, "Oh good, I have a few ideas here: Check in on her to see how she's doing. Share that you're having a difficult time too. Minimize the baby updates. Remind her that you're there for her. Talk about lighthearted stuff. Ask about other important areas of her life." And then … it turned out that you'd already tried them all. This is really tough.

So, I want to suggest a script that gets at all the issues you've mentioned about how much you value the relationship, but also puts the ball a little more in her court. "Hi Friend, it's been a while since we talked. I know you're doing through so much with infertility and IVF right now, and I've been dealing with my own struggles with my mental health. I just want to say I miss you so much, and I don't want us to drift apart during this hard time. But I also don't want to put any pressure on you to stay in touch if it's too difficult. So I'm going to keep checking in with you every once in a while about non-baby stuff, just to let you know I'm thinking about you. If you don't reply, it's okay. If that annoys you let me know, otherwise I'll just keep reminding you that I'm here. And whenever you are feeling like talking about light or heavy topics, or if you need something from me, just reach out and know that we can pick up where we left off the minute you're ready."

Then, to the extent you can, put this aside. I know it's hard, but you can't force her to want to be close right now. And you don't want your relationship (or lack thereof) with her to dominate this time in your life. Allow her retreat to make room for other people who would love to be close to you and support you during what's been a really challenging period.

You've spent a lot of time focused on her feelings and struggles, but you also have your own very legitimate ones, and you deserve the same kind of extremely thoughtful support that you've been offering up.

Help! My Oldest Friend Has Shut Me Out Now That I'm a Mom.

Jenée Desmond-Harris and friends discuss a letter in this week's Dear Prudence Uncensored—only for Slate Plus members.

Dear Prudence,

"Jane" and I have been friends for almost 20 years, the longest I've ever kept a friendship going. We have a number of interests in common, but our core values do tend to be different. I'm a bleeding-heart liberal, pansexual, polyamorous woman; and she's conservative, traditionally Christian, and straight. I valued her friendship because of these differences, and because we could discuss them respectfully. And because she's a compassionate person, who can accept people who disagree with her.

Or, so I thought. I recently got an email from her saying that we should part ways as friends because our core values are too far apart. She even gave examples that include some hurtful assumptions on her part—I have no idea what I could have said that makes her think I'm against free speech—as well as some that make me wonder if she ever really knew me. I sent her a reply telling her that I don't like it but she's gotta do what she's gotta do, and that I hope she has a good life. But the more I think about it, the more I want to talk to her about it. This is all complicated by the fact that she suffers from manic-depression, and this coming out of the blue makes me worry that she's having a meltdown. I have no way of getting in touch with her family or I'd give them a heads-up to check on her and leave it at that. Do I try to contact her to ask if she's okay? Do I try to have a discussion and salvage a relationship I think is worth saving? Or do I just process the loss and let it go?

— Not Ready to Say Goodbye

Dear Say Goodbye,

Well, you valued her because she could accept people who disagreed with her. But now she can't. So the best case scenario, if you're able to salvage this relationship, is that you have a friend who doesn't actually have the qualities you think she had and who has said she doesn't respect your values, and that friend may be having a meltdown that you're powerless to help with. I don't know that you actually have the option to salvage the relationship, even if you very much wanted to. Let it go.

Sometimes even Prudence needs a little help. Every Thursday in this column, we'll post a question that has her stumped. This week's tricky situation is below. Join the conversation about it on Twitter with Jenée @jdesmondharris on Thursday, and then look back for the final answer here on Friday.

Dear Prudence,

My partner and I were lucky to find a home in a sleepy neighborhood, with mostly nice and friendly neighbors. We're not super social people, but we've enjoyed getting to know our neighbors, and feel glad to have largely positive friendships with folks close by who can sometimes lend a cup of flour, pick up a piece of mail, or water your plants when you're out of town for a few days. We are, of course, happy to return these favors and are often asked to house or pet-sit for neighbors who are away.

The problem is one household who we pet-sit for. These are otherwise kind and reasonable people, but it has become clear that they don't place a lot of value on hygiene in their home or for their animals. Think: bugs in the pet food, dried up feces on the floor, litter pans and food dishes crusted over, open bags of used litter sitting around, stacks of papers falling, and more. We're asked to pet-sit more than a dozen times a year, and this problem is escalating to the point where it's upsetting to see and smell their animals living in such conditions. It seems like the health of the animals is declining as well. Sometimes we're asked to pet-sit for weeks at a time!

What can be done in this situation so we don't ruin the relationship with these neighbors? We don't mind the occasional pet-sitting, but this has become uncomfortable and troubling given the frequency with which we're asked to help out. If it's rude to comment on other people's parenting, it's probably rude to say something about how they keep their home and animals–right? What's a socially acceptable way to move forward here, knowing we're going to get another spur of the moment text to pet-sit soon?

— Smelly House, Why Aren't They Cleaning You?

Dear Prudence,

I am a man in my mid-twenties. Over the years I have joined a spiritual community in which we are able to ask someone to be our spiritual mentor. My mentor and I have had a close relationship over many years and developed a friendship as a result. One thing I have always struggled with was my body image. While I was only slightly overweight in middle school, I was constantly made fun of for being fat. This created much anxiety in me. Friends and family would make fun of my weight in public, monitor my food intake, and tell me how what I would eat would make me gain weight. Despite getting into weight training and losing the weight, these comments continued well into my twenties. As a result, I began to develop an unhealthy relationship with food and exercise where I would over-exercise to the point of injury, and have incredible anxiety over having a cookie. I would not go out to eat at restaurants, and I would obsess over how much I ate or how I looked. Last year, I realized how much control this had had over my life and truly began to change my relationship with food. I saw that my view of my body was distorted, especially as I was in very good shape and had weighed the same since high school (165-170 lbs.). Where before eating a piece of bread would cause me to emotionally spiral, I now enjoy all types of food and now go by moderation as opposed to rigid diets. I feel much happier as a result as well because I love food! I still get the occasional comment of being fat by strangers, which I attribute to their own issues now. I feel that I made a lot of progress!

My mentor had been instrumental in helping me with my distorted issues around my body and I was incredibly thankful. Until recently, that is: I was over at his house when his partner asked me a question about pizza. When I enthusiastically shared with him a recommendation, my mentor called out that if I kept eating pizza I was going to get fat when I am older especially because I was short (I'm 5'9"). I was dumbstruck. I said that my eating habits work for me, and I feel as if I have it under control. He began to argue with me. I could feel myself getting angry, and I said that we could agree to disagree about my eating habits and I quickly left. A couple of days later I called him and said that I felt hurt by his comment as this was an issue I still was working through. He got upset with me and said I was overreacting to an offhand comment he had made and that I obviously have not recovered in this area of my life. Afterwards, he said we could not hang out together since I am too sensitive to offhand comments. I ended up ending the mentor relationship later over some of his bigoted viewpoints, however I am still haunted. Was I overreacting to this entire situation? How can I even tell?

— A Weighty Issue

Dear Weighty Issue,

I don't know what one has to do to become a "spiritual mentor," but I can't imagine that "making your mentee feel worse" and "being cruel in response to totally reasonable feedback" are part of the job. In fact, I'm pretty sure these things should be disqualifying. And he has other bigoted views, too?? Uh, no, you didn't overreact.

This guy was a fraud and a bad person. It sounds like you've done amazing work to overcome the abuse you endured around food and your body. The way you stood up for yourself is a testament to that. Keep doing what you're doing, and take what you need from this spiritual community while remembering that the other people in it are only human and shouldn't be listened to over your own instincts and hard-won wisdom.

My grandmother once had a diamond necklace that was a family heirloom. My grandfather, who didn't know how to keep things in his pants, ended up giving it to one of his mistresses. My grandmother mourned the loss of the necklace until the day she died. Recently, I happened to stumble across the necklace, or what I think is the necklace, on eBay. I questioned my grandfather and contacted the seller, and both parties think it's possible this necklace belonged to my grandmother …

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